Did I Get Your Pity Party Invite?

Do You Like Digging Holes? Then Welcome to my Pity Party!

 – said no-one ever! You don’t get invited to Pity Parties, you get dragged into them or you create your own personal ones by digging Pity Party Pits to hide in. Why do we do that? Normally because we have something that isn’t going to plan, and we don’t want to face it.

In this brief video I shot last year, hence the beard, I explain how to turn those challenges around and use them as opportunities instead.

See you next time,

Jez

Sometimes You Just Have to Take a Time Out

I burned out in 2014 and a lot of that had to do with the Hustle & Grind that’s so popular today. I’ve now learned to leave the chasing after Unicorns to others, that’s not my journey.

In November 2014 I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety issues. I ended up taking 2 months off work and then going back much too early thinking I could cope. However, although my then working environment played a part in the run up to that, it wasn’t the only factor. It was a culmination of years of just simply doing too much and pushing myself too hard and beating myself to bits because I wasn’t getting the results I expected.

For years I had a full-time job plus a Network Marketing Business plus a Reiki & Coaching practice plus a few other things as well. I Hustled and Grinded all my spare time – long hours creating posts, blog content, emails, dealing with leads (most of which were useless), attending several Business Networking events a week, weekend conferences, numerous webinars and workshops and training and… and… and…! My hunch is there are many of you out there who can identify with that.

I guess If I had been getting the results I wanted then the story would have been different – I’d be writing about my success and how I got them and so on. Truth is, I failed every time. No matter what I tried it ended up as a dead-end street. That just increased the frustration because I knew I was doing all the right things, making all the right noises and yet - Nada! (My Spidey Sense is saying that there’s one or two out there who have, or still are, experiencing exactly that.) So, in 2015 I basically took a step back, but not through choice.

I burned out - not massively, but enough. After returning to my former work I had another attack a couple of months later. You know those messages the Universe sends you from time to time, sometimes very subtle, other times like someone’s smacked you with a plank of wood? This was one of the latter and I didn’t go back to that environment. I found other work, not the best of jobs but it paid bills. Gave me time to get myself together.

I was still involved with my Network Marketing and Coaching, but my heart was no longer in it. The passion had gone, I was just going through the motions. In fact, I was only going to the B2B meetings for the social aspect! In time that went too as my membership ran out and I could no longer afford to renew it. So, I retreated further and by the end of 2016 I had come to pretty much a standstill – apart from some ‘Stick Poking’ and ‘Face Showing’ activities.

Bringing things up to the present, I feel I have fully recovered, truly recharged my batteries and can now see a much brighter future ahead. That has a lot to do with the way I now view things. I can now see that, back then, I was pushing myself too hard – out of desperation and need rather than providing a value driven service. Now I have a much more relaxed approach and I believe that has a lot to do with the recent Law of Attraction training I’ve been exposed to and how it’s become an integral part of how I live today.

I have a renewed passion, however it’s way less ego based than before, my perspective has changed – less Self, more Others. “How can I best be of service today?” is what I now ask rather than “Who can I sponsor into my team?” or “How many clients am I aiming for this week?” and leave all the ‘Workings Out’ to the Universe.

That’s not to say I no longer have goals, because I do, however the pressure to achieve them is no longer there. I no longer chase after them and beat myself up because I didn’t reach them. Some goals I haven’t even put a date on! I give them the Attention they deserve and Allow them to happen and guess what? I am getting results and they are the results which are ideal for me.

So, Hustle & Grind all you want if that’s your thing. If it’s working, then Cool Beans! If not, them maybe a different approach would be more ideal.

Until next time,

Jez  

So What do I Want?

Let’s face it, we all know what we don’t want, right? Yet when it comes to knowing what we do want, we tend to be a bit unsure. Wouldn’t it be nice to have some clarity on that?

If I said to you “List 10 things you don’t like about your current work”, you would most likely have that list ready in a few minutes! If I then said, “Now list 10 things you Like about your current work”, that would get you humming and ha-ing and it would probably take you twice as long, that’s if you even complete the list. That’s down to how our subconscious mind works, it’s easier to focus on the negative rather than the positive. Now obviously that isn’t the norm for everyone, there are always exceptions, but for the many it is indeed the case.

So, does that mean only a few will ever know for sure what they really want in life or business? Nope, because there is a way to shortcut that thinking, to kind of reverse engineer it so that you gain Clarity from your Contrast, your contrast being that which you don’t want.

Part of what I teach people is to do just that. A lot of the contrast we have in business, or life, has to do with three little words which, once eliminated, can produce a lot of clarity, help you gain certainty about what you really want to achieve. Those words are “Don’t”, “Not” and “No”. So, how does it work?

If you are saying things like “I don’t want unreliable clients” “No worries” “I’m not as successful as I would like to be” or similar, you are creating negative vibrations which the Law of Attraction is matching and thus, you get the Contrast you don’t want and not the Clarity or positive results you do want.

Now, some of you are reading this and a little voice is saying, how on earth do I eliminate Don’t, Not and No from my vocabulary, it’s impossible! To an extent that’s true, it’s more to do with how you use them. As you can see in the last paragraph, I used Don’t and Not, however not (there I go again) in a statement of intent.

There’s a very simple tool you can use to help you, at the very least, reduce the use of Don’t, Not and No and that is to ask “Well, what do I want?”. Immediately, as soon as you say that, the vibe changes and you start thinking in a more positive way as you contemplate a positive solution, thus gaining Clarity. Feels great, doesn’t it?

Now have some fun with it. Every time you catch yourself using Don’t, Not or No, ask yourself “Well, what do I want?” Like anything that’s practised, it will become automatic in time and you will have created a very useful habit helping you gain Clarity from your Contrast.

Smell the Coffee

There’s just something about the smell of freshly brewed coffee or frying bacon in the morning that muesli and green juice are unable to compete with when it comes to getting people out of bed. What’s even better is having something worthwhile for getting out of bed for.

For many they either wake up with dread or grumbling acceptance and drag themselves into the bathroom to wash away the pleasant dreams and start another day of perceived drudgery. A few, however, leap out of bed ready to grab the day by the proverbial horns and can’t wait to see what the new day has in store for them.

The latter have a passion, a reason for being, a WHY, a purpose in life which keeps them fired up every day and makes their lives enjoyable and positive. They truly enjoy what they do because their Fulfilment Needs are being met, regardless whether they work for someone else or for themselves. They know their Life’s Purpose and have the strategies in place to achieve it.

Now that’s the age-old question, isn’t it? Just what is our Life’s Purpose? Most people will, when asked, say that their Life’s Purpose is their kids or family, to help others, time or financial freedom or something else along those lines. These are noble goals, however there’s more to it than that. Ask yourself what happens once you have achieved your Why? What then? How would you feel?

  In his book, “Your Life’s Purpose”, Michael Losier states it quite clearly – our sole Life’s Purpose is to have Joy. Nothing more, nothing less. You can also call it Happiness, Bliss or by some other term, however Joy is probably the best description.

Problem is most of us never quite get there. We might have the money and time, but not that deep sense of contentment. We might be helping others but forget to help ourselves. We might really enjoy our work but feel there’s something missing. That’s because we haven’t got the correct strategies in place or we are chasing the wrong ones and wonder why we don’t feel that Joy, that Inner Peace. Using Michael’s book, I help people uncover their Top 4 Fulfilment Needs and it always creates surprises.

They can then use these Fulfilment Needs as a sort of measuring stick when it comes to making major decisions about career choice, relationships, performance enhancement, client attraction and other areas of Business and life. Since I uncovered mine I certainly haven’t looked back and am now in the process of using them, plus other Law of Attraction strategies and tools, to attract and create the life I want and not the one others believe I should have.

Want to uncover your Top 4 Fulfilment Needs? I can help you with that or, if you prefer, click on the link below and get Michael’s book.

Recommended Reading

Your Life’s Purpose by Michael Losier

Law of Attraction as an Extra Income

If you're like me and love the Law of Attraction, you might be wondering if there's any money in it. There is and I would say it's a great extra income opportunity which could develop further should you wish to.

Michael Losier is hosting a 2 day Law of Attraction Facilitator workshop on May 16 & 17 in Las Vegas. You will be taught how to give free presentations which will lead to paid seminars/workshops of your own.

For more information click HERE and you will be taken to the website where you can learn more and register - and get a $100 Early Bird discount!

Don't Hold Onto Resentment

For decades, ever since I was 16, I had an unhealthy resentment for my step-father. Why? Because he took me out of school and into a working life. 

Back then I was in the top O-Level class in my school, was doing very well and had just completed my mocks with 9 passes out of 9, all with decent grades. It would have meant me taking my A-Levels and possibly on to University where my studies would lead to either an acting career or journalism.

                                                   (Speaking before a room of Entrepreneurs)

My step-father, however, had decided that as I was now 16 I could start an apprenticeship instead and bring money into the house. I left school halfway through my final year, at Christmas, and started training as a car mechanic. I was not best pleased.

At first, though, I enjoyed the work, the City & Guilds course I was on (got a distinction in my first year) and, of course, getting paid. Sadly, that line of work came to an end when I had a run-in with the MD and was sacked. It was then when I really started to resent the fact that I, in essence, had become a school dropout, an unqualified minion in the eyes of future employers. I began to feel inferior because I didn’t have any bits of paper to say otherwise. I even lied to people, saying I had both O and A-levels just to make them think better of me. I didn’t want to admit, or accept, the truth.

Since then I have got various qualifications through my military career and work experience, have taken several courses and hold a Diploma in Freelance Journalism and am currently working on a Philosophy degree with Open University.

As for my step-father, thanks to my Reiki training I’ve been able to forgive him although sadly not in person. In hindsight, he actually did me a massive favour because I’ve learned more about life through personal experience than I would have done in any classroom. I’ve been able to ‘study’ people first hand rather than through the pages of books or through lectures. 

And Your Why Is?

If I were to ask you what you thought your WHY was, what motivates you to get out of bed in the morning, what keeps you focused throughout the day, you would possibly say  either I don’t know or something along the lines of family, friends or even your work. Am I right?

On the other hand, if I were to ask you what your biggest dream is you would probably say a huge house with land, a Ferrari or Lambo, world travel, holiday homes, a millionaire lifestyle and so on.

These are all fine but they not WHYs, they are goals!

A WHY does more than get you out of bed in the morning, it fires you up. It does more than simply motivate you, it inspires you to greatness. A WHY does more than keep you focused, you’re thinking about it every spare moment you have, it’s an obsession but in a good way. A WHY is something your goals should lead to, the end result, not a stopover along the way.

For example, for over 20 years I had been saying that my WHY was Time and Financial Freedom. I would have all the time I wanted with the money to do it with. Sounds great, right? And I know there are many others who have the same or similar ‘WHYs’. Then in 2014 I was discussing this with a couple of friends, Manuela and Peter Mueller-Meerkatz who are top leaders with Amway, and Peter asked me a simple question which led to a, then, Satori moment. He asked:

“And once you have the time and money freedom, what will you do with it?”

Straightaway I said I would write books. He then suggested that maybe Time and Financial Freedom wasn’t my WHY but a goal. He was right because later, when I reflected and pondered on that, I realised that even writing books wasn’t my true WHY. My WHY was staring me in the face the whole time but I couldn’t see it because I was too busy adopting other people’s WHYs and goals as my own.

My WHY isn’t even the mission I set myself years ago whilst growing up  in Belfast surrounded by all the hate and violence, which was to help people around the world to find real happiness, to help them make the right choices leading them to a life they truly deserved. 

No, my WHY is what I will get from carrying out my ‘Mission’, namely JOY! By helping others discover their Joy, I’ll succeed in attaining mine. I learned that from Michael Losier and in fact he has written a book to help people like you and me to clearly define our WHY. It's called Your Life's Purpose and is certainly well worth reading.

Whoa! Sounds a bit pious and Polly-Anna-ish doesn’t it? Heal the world page by page and find healing myself? Maybe, however I look at it in a different way.  I know I won’t accomplish everything but if my book, and any subsequent books, can make a tiny difference and bring Joy to just one person then I will have fulfilled my  mission and achieved my WHY, even long after I have finished my time on this wonderful rock of ours.

You see, a WHY doesn’t have to be the end - contradicting myself here I know but bear with me -  it can also be an ongoing thing and you can also have more than one strategy to help you accomplish it. Got you really confused now, haven’t I? Look at it this way, there are no real rules when it comes to WHYs, you make your own. If you want just the one, that’s great. If you want more than that, that’s great too. Point is, whatever you choose has to keep you on fire until you achieve it and smouldering as you maintain it.

So, finishing with the question this post asks in the title:  And Your Why Is?