Did I Get Your Pity Party Invite?

Do You Like Digging Holes? Then Welcome to my Pity Party!

 – said no-one ever! You don’t get invited to Pity Parties, you get dragged into them or you create your own personal ones by digging Pity Party Pits to hide in. Why do we do that? Normally because we have something that isn’t going to plan, and we don’t want to face it.

In this brief video I shot last year, hence the beard, I explain how to turn those challenges around and use them as opportunities instead.

See you next time,

Jez

Welcome to the Don’t, Not & No Show!

OK, it's showtime so let’s get started with the first game! 

Using Google – or the browser of your choice – type the following into your search bar: No Football and count how many results you get which are non-football related.

So, on to Game Number Two: All I’m going to do is ask you to Not think of the Eiffel Tower and describe the first image that came into your mind.

And now, to complete the show, the Final Game: You see a sign on a park bench that says Don’t Touch, Wet Paint – what’s your first reaction?

For the Google game, my hunch is you couldn’t find any non-football results, certainly not on the first few pages anyway, am I right?

For Game Number Two, would I be right in saying you immediately had an image of the Eiffel Tower in your mind?

And in the Final Game, is it possible your initial reaction would be to touch the bench just to see if the paint was really wet?

You can see how powerfully suggestive these three little words are and yet we find it very difficult to reduce or eliminate them from our vocabulary. You might be asking: “Well, so what? Why would I need to?” The answer is simple, because they generate a negative vibration which overrides the positive vibration you are trying to have matched by the Law of Attraction.

For example, many of us say No worries, No problem, I’m not quitting, Don’t jump in puddles and so on and we get annoyed because the opposite happens – we have worries and problems, we quit, our child jumps in muddy puddles.

There is a simple way to rectify that, which I’ll share shortly. However, here’s a difficulty I’ve come across when it comes to, as Michael Losier suggests, reducing or eliminating Don’t, Not and Know. It’s so damned hard! They creep up on you when you least expect it and, quite often, the alternative doesn’t always readily spring to mind.

So, what to do. When you catch yourself saying or thinking Don’t, Not or No simply ask yourself this question: “So, what do I want?”

 For example, let’s take Game 1 – You want to avoid any posts about Football in your Google search, therefore the obvious answer would be to be more specific in your search. So, what do I want? – Posts about cricket, or squash or some other sport, so you enter those terms in the search bar.

For Game 2 the same applies, be more specific. I’m not going to think of the Eiffel Tower – So, what do I want? I want to think about the Arc d’Triumph.

For Don’t, what you want is to prevent your child from doing something they shouldn’t, so a simple Stop would work to get their attention – although I’d let them jump in puddles! With Don’t it’s also a case of reframing the words or sentence. Don’t touch, Wet Paint could become Wet paint ruins your clothes or something like that.

The idea really is to help you become more aware of what you’re saying and thinking, therefore by asking yourself So, what do I want? whenever Don’t, Not & No arise will help you to think and speak in a more positive way, creating positive vibes which are then matched by the Law of Attraction.

Transforming Desires into Reality

For many affirmations just don’t work and it causes a lot of frustration. That was certainly the case with me until I discovered Declarative Statements and stopped sabotaging my positive intentions.

Firstly, what are Affirmations? They are positive statements set in the present tense. An example of an affirmation is:

“I am so happy and grateful now I am enjoying an amazing level of fitness and health.”

Is there anything wrong with that? On the face of it no, it seems perfectly ok. Two things, however, need to be considered here. Firstly, from the aspect of The Universe where you are claiming to be already fit and healthy, so the said Universe says:

 “OK, you’ve got what you want, job done.”

Secondly, from a Law of Attraction perspective, your subconscious mind would create an opposing statement because it knows what you’re saying isn’t exactly true, for example:  

“Dude, I saw you in the mirror this morning and you are far from being fit and healthy!”

Don’t get me wrong, affirmations do work for some, just not for all. Also, as in my case, you may experience some changes but not the changes you were expecting. Until I discovered Declarative Statements I had been using affirmations on a daily basis for almost 30 years. I would print them onto A4 sheets of paper and stick them in all the recommended strategic places. I would memorise them, repeating them often throughout the day and before sleeping at night. Yet, still no financial freedom, nice home, dream car and so on. I did, however, develop great positive habits and thinking!

My hunch is that you’ve experienced something similar and maybe you’ve even given up on affirmations altogether, thinking they’re a waste of time or that perhaps you aren’t ‘destined’ to have a great life. Am I right?

With that in mind, what can we say to a) allow the Law of Attraction to attract a positive result and b) prevent our subconscious minds from sabotaging our efforts? That’s where Declarative Statements come in and this is how they work.

Remember, our words form the thoughts which create the vibrations (moods or feelings) - either positive or negative – which attract our results – again either positive or negative. Therefore, if we want to change our results we need to change our vibrations and to change our vibrations we need to change our thoughts and to change our thoughts we need to change the words we’re using.

A Declarative Statement is essentially a re-framed affirmation which raises your vibration. Instead of stating “I Am…” or similar use “I’m in the process of…” and fill in the blank. For example, if you wanted to attract a much healthier lifestyle you could say:

“I’m in the process of attracting a fitter and healthier lifestyle through healthy eating and regular exercise.”

Even though you’re not stating a ‘clear intention’ as some purists might say, nevertheless this re-framed wording is accepted by the subconscious mind as truth and a positive vibe is sent out to be matched by the Law of Attraction which, in turn, will attract whatever information, strategies, support, opportunities you need to get, in this example, fitter and healthier.

What I’ve shared here is a stripped-down version of what I teach in my Deliberate Attraction Strategy Workshops where I go into more detail however, a simple Declarative Statement such as the one above will work just as well.

I now use these all the time and am enjoying some surprising results and it’s my intention for you to use Declarative Statements instead of Affirmations, so you can stop self-sabotaging your positive actions and truly transform your desires into reality.

Recommended Reading

Money, Master the Game by Tony Robbins - great interviews, tips and tricks by some of the world's most successful people

Life Hacks; Handy Tips to Make Life Easier – Dan Marshall

If you prefer to listen rather than read then Audible offers a 30 day free trial

Don't Hold Onto Resentment

For decades, ever since I was 16, I had an unhealthy resentment for my step-father. Why? Because he took me out of school and into a working life. 

Back then I was in the top O-Level class in my school, was doing very well and had just completed my mocks with 9 passes out of 9, all with decent grades. It would have meant me taking my A-Levels and possibly on to University where my studies would lead to either an acting career or journalism.

                                                   (Speaking before a room of Entrepreneurs)

My step-father, however, had decided that as I was now 16 I could start an apprenticeship instead and bring money into the house. I left school halfway through my final year, at Christmas, and started training as a car mechanic. I was not best pleased.

At first, though, I enjoyed the work, the City & Guilds course I was on (got a distinction in my first year) and, of course, getting paid. Sadly, that line of work came to an end when I had a run-in with the MD and was sacked. It was then when I really started to resent the fact that I, in essence, had become a school dropout, an unqualified minion in the eyes of future employers. I began to feel inferior because I didn’t have any bits of paper to say otherwise. I even lied to people, saying I had both O and A-levels just to make them think better of me. I didn’t want to admit, or accept, the truth.

Since then I have got various qualifications through my military career and work experience, have taken several courses and hold a Diploma in Freelance Journalism and am currently working on a Philosophy degree with Open University.

As for my step-father, thanks to my Reiki training I’ve been able to forgive him although sadly not in person. In hindsight, he actually did me a massive favour because I’ve learned more about life through personal experience than I would have done in any classroom. I’ve been able to ‘study’ people first hand rather than through the pages of books or through lectures. 

Mirror Talk

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?

Why you are, of course! 

I AM – these two words have been stated as being the two most powerful words we can utter. The reason being everything else that comes after them will affect your present and your future either positively or negatively.

I AM at the start of a sentence denotes either a change or an affirmation is on the way.

EG the statement “I am always doing that” is often heard when someone makes a mistake, says or does something wrong and so on. That is an affirmation because you are affirming something which you have programmed your subconscious to accept. “I am enjoying (my life, day, food)” is also an affirmation, but of a more positive nature. We should, therefore, be careful what we say after I AM.

There are two more words which are every bit as powerful as I AM for what comes after them will determine how you react, what action you will take or how you feel. Those two words are YOU ARE.

Mostly 'YOU AREs' will be directed to you by a third party; someone says them to you, you read them in a personal text or email: “You are stupid!” “You are sexy.” “You are a prat!” “You are a legend!” and so on.

Depending on who says them and in what vein will determine what you do, say or feel next – again either positively or negatively. EG “You are worthless” will make you feel just that or you will react with anger to deny it. Whereas “You are sexy” will probably make you feel good and you will most likely agree!

“You are never going to amount to much” will weigh on our minds, subconsciously, especially if repeated often and that can last a lifetime and we can either strive to prove that statement wrong or affirm it. Most affirm it and their Self Esteem stays at a constantly low level. Such statements have a debilitating effect on our lives and go a long way to prevent us from achieving much from life. “You’ll never amount to much” becomes “I can’t do that, I AM not good enough”.

That’s how powerful YOU ARE is when it comes from someone else, but what if it comes from you? Will it have the same kind of effect or will our subconscious minds be able to differentiate the difference?

Well, try it and find out! Stand, or sit, in front of a mirror and say out loud to yourself:

You are stupid!

You are useless!

You are a numpty!

You are fat!

How does that make you feel? I’m betting not very good and maybe even a bit angry.

Now tell yourself:

You are successful in everything you do.

You are fantastic!

You are healthy in every way.

Now how does that make you feel? Better? I bet it does!

What you are doing is the same as when you use I AM – you are programming your subconscious mind into believing those statements, whether negative or positive. Your subconscious doesn’t know the difference between right or wrong, lie or truth – it just accepts everything as truth and acts accordingly. 

If you program it with negative crap that’s how you will think and act. Vice versa if you program your subconscious with positive affirmations you will certainly feel the benefit of that. But that’s not all.

The Law of Attraction states that what you think of most is what you will attract. Therefore, if all you think about is soap opera style negativity, then that’s exactly what you will attract and experience. If, however, you are programming your subconscious with positive 'I AMs' and 'YOU AREs' you will overcome these negative thoughts and attract more positive influences into your life physically, spiritually or materially – possibly all three!

“You are what you think about all day long.” says Napoleon Hill in his book "Think and Grow Rich" and that is so true.

EG if you are constantly telling yourself that you are a sex abuser then eventually that’s what you’ll be. If you tell yourself that you’re highly successful then that’s what you’ll become. It’s the actions that follow these thoughts, of course, which lead to the conclusion of the original I AM or YOU ARE.

There is more to it than just saying I AM or YOU ARE, you need to create the behaviours and habits to make your 'I AMs' and 'YOU AREs' a reality, but it all starts with the original thoughts. Successful people in all walks of life know and employ this as part of their daily routines.

YOU ARE, therefore, is as powerful as I AM. A bit more work is involved, though, because you have to filter out the negative 'YOU AREs' thrust upon you by others, or yourself.

Mirror Talk Exercise

Try this exercise for 30 days and notice the changes in your thinking, acting and feeling. How has it affected your circumstances?

Every morning and evening stand/sit in front of a mirror and look yourself in the eyes whilst telling yourself (preferably out loud) how good you are with statements such as:

You are loved.

You are successful in all areas of your life.

You are always positive.

You are enjoying an abundance of health and wealth.

Make up your own but make them as specific to you and what you want to achieve as you can and keep them in the present tense. You could also reinforce them with a few positive 'I AMs' throughout the day.

Remember, you are what you are meant to be and what you are meant to be is better in every way.